Golden Rays
by Bethy1416
Summary: Tag for 7x10. Picks straight up after the final scene. Jane and Lisbon slowly but surely build a pathway through their problems.


**A/N: I'm still working on _True Colors of the World _but I couldn't resist writing a tag for that ep... It left so many questions that I can't wait a week to (hopefully) be answered.**

He leant over, a hand resting on her shoulder, and placed a parting kiss on her cheek. She felt like his lips had barely brushed her skin before he was walking away, the ultimatum still hanging heavy in the air. She watched him until her vision became too distorted with fresh tears then she stumbled back to lean against the tree, turning her glance in the opposite direction.

He'd left her again.

As she'd feared he would.

She even wondered whether she knew he would.

Lisbon squeezed her eyes shut, forcing stray tears to trickle across her cheekbones in an attempt to clear her sight. She quickly swiped her hand over her face to brush them away. Her thoughts flicked to Vega.

The pain her family were suffering, the pain the rookie agent had suffered. And she was crying under a tree for a pain that's minor in comparison.

Teresa cleared her throat, stood up tall and composed herself. She was angry. She saw this train coming yet she still expected Jane to pull her from its tracks. Even if he was the conductor...

The team were holding a wake that family, colleagues and friends were invited to, and she hoped Jane would be there. Not to see her, but to prove that he still has some respect and decency for an agent loyal to her job. An agent that lost her life.

She walked from the car to the entrance of the hired hall, bar inclusive. A buffet was set out, although seemed mostly untouched and clusters of people floated to and from the poor relative who still clutched the honorary flag. Lisbon did a standard scan of the room but caught no glimpse of his unruly golden mess. She now headed to the bar where Abbott stood conversing with, who she could only assume, was Michelle's cousin. He gave her a look of acknowledgement which she returned with a dry smile then ordered her drink. Whilst waiting for the bartender to prepare her glass of wine she rotated to see where the other two were. She saw Cho sat at a table scratching a napkin and Wylie heading towards him from the toilets. She paid, then went over to them, Abbott following shortly behind.

"Hi," she greeted, then took a seat unoccupied by a coat or bag. Abbott and Wylie spoke for a bit with Lisbon's unwavering attention, but she kept stealing glances in Cho's direction. She was unsure whether he was listening or not but she could tell something was playing on his mind. She knew what.

She subtly reached to him beside her and rubbed her thumb over his hand, bringing him out of a daze.

"How are you doing?" She asked, removing her hand to pick up her glass.

"It's hard."

"Yes it is."

She'd gone through too many funerals.

"It wasn't because of you. It wasn't your fault," she reassured.

"I could have stopped it."

"You tried to save her, she passed in the comfort you gave. What more could you do?.."

"I could have not gone after those other perps."

"You followed protocol. No one can place blame for that."

"The situation was bad. Civilians could have been injured, an agent was."

"But you went after two of the robbers. I believe she told you to go for them, you were simply obeying your partner." She didn't know if this was the case, but enough time spent with Jane meant she could predict a person's behaviour in many circumstances.

"I should have let them be. They were running, this guy wasn't."

"Now you're denying yourself of being a good agent. You did what any officer would do in that predicament. Don't think otherwise."

He went to reply when his eyes drifted to a spot directly behind her at a just below average man's height. She turned to see who it was but came face to face with the familiar scent and three-piece suit. She twisted back around and could feel her body tense, not knowing if he was watching her. She wasn't sure who she'd expected to see, but she wished it wasn't him. Yet she'd desperately hoped that he'd show, merely to reassure her that he was still the man capable of carrying respect for agents.

"I'm going to pay my condolences," she informed Cho, which he nodded at, then she got up and walked off without glancing back once. That pained him a little.

Jane took her seat and ran his fingers along the cool base of the wine glass she'd left behind. He could feel Cho's eyes on him but he currently wasn't in the mood to take up the role of comforting and reassuring that Lisbon had just done. Jane briefly glanced back at Cho and scanned the rest of the table. Abbott and Wylie were in deep discussion with Vega's uncle, although the man seemed to have plenty of stories about young Michelle, leaving the conversation more one-sided.

"Have you two argued?" Cho's voice suddenly broke out.

"Lisbon and I?"

"Yeah."

He wasn't sure how much Cho knew or had come to terms with so he stuck with the basics.

"Just a disagreement."

Cho huffed a slight smirk, remembering the days of the CBI when something like this resulted in Jane concocting an outgoing scheme in order to piss Lisbon off even more.

"You better get it sorted before she loses it completely."

Jane bluntly grunted. The ball was in her court now. She knew he was going, she had to choose which she loved more. Him, or her job.

He swivelled on his chair and searched the room for her, then stood up to see over the sea of heads. He wasn't sure what he planned on doing if he did find her. She wanted it out with him, he could tell. Suddenly he was willing, almost wanting it to happen. Then, through a window, he saw her climb into her car in the parking lot and pull off.

She'd paid her respects to Michelle's auntie and had informed her she was going to leave. The auntie thanked her and grasped Lisbon's hands, then looked straight past her eyes and into her soul.

"You've got a maternal heart. I know you helped my Michelle settle. She mentioned you on the phone when she called. I appreciate the strength and guidance you gave her, I know she did too."

Teresa nodded and anxiously bit her lip in a half smile. They kissed on both cheeks, then she left.

Jane had shown and that's all she needed to understand. He was scared, she knew that. But what right did he have restraining her on cases? He was aware he had no moral high ground where her job was concerned. That's why he'd presented her with an ultimatum, a form of blackmail. He couldn't handle the thought of losing another piece of his heart, but her sympathy for his rocky past was wavering. She'd done all she could to protect him. Offer him help, _support_. Yet he couldn't find the decency to let her do what he'd dragged her from Washington to do after his galavant. The number of times she'd put her life on hold for him… she couldn't even count them on her hands there were too many. And the single time she asks for nothing but understanding and support, he drops her quicker than she could fight her corner.

She put the car in park on the drive and brought out her door key for, what felt like, the first time in weeks. She slotted it into the lock and hurried herself inside. It was dusk, so she drew the curtains and opened a couple of windows to air the simple reside. She caught herself automatically sweeping her gaze down the street to see if Jane had followed her home, which she quickly corrected when remembering why she was there in the first place. He always found a way of sneaking up behind her thoughts, no matter how much anger she harbored.

Jane finished Lisbon's wine. Wasn't particularly to his tastes, but he saw no point in wasting it. He was almost sure she'd be sat at home in sweats, drinking a similar glass, or possibly something a little stronger. He'd find a way to check on her without imposing too much, he knew she merely needed time. But he feared the line between time being good and time being bad. He knew she was irked, but at what point would the anger finally come to the boil? He wasn't sure, and god only knew how Lisbon would strike out in a rage.

He scooped up his jacket from the back of the chair and patted Vega's uncle on the shoulder on his way out, exchanging a farewell.

He knew he shouldn't but he wanted to see her. Not just to check up on her, but to figure things out. He'd left the situation pretty open ended and with the hour since she'd left the wake, he'd come to realise that. Perhaps this was the effect of the wine…

It was dark and the house appeared completely shut up. Maybe she'd gone out, maybe she hadn't even returned home. He thought he knew her well enough to be able to tell her next moves, but here he did question himself. He gently pushed the car door closed and headed up her front path, rummaging in his pocket for the spare key she'd given to him. He quietly twisted it in the lock and gave a whisper of a knock on the door before entering.

"You home?" He muttered into the darkness. He switched on a lamp that gave the room a warm glow but she was nowhere to be seen. He wandered into her kitchen, the light from the lounge illuminating the main features, again, nothing. He frowned. It was a little early for her to go to bed, but he decided to check anyway. He stepped out of the kitchen and headed in the direction of the short corridor to the bedroom when he jumped slightly as he realised she was stood there. A vest top comfortably following the curve of her breast then flare of her hip where it met the gray jogging bottoms. She didn't look directly at him, but he could tell a smidgen of her fury had subsided.

"Did I wake you?" He asked, watching as she battled with the need to make eye contact with him.

"Yeah," she murmured.

"Ah, sorry."

"What do you want?" she snapped.

Maybe her pokerface was covering her anger better than he'd assumed. "I needed to check you were alright."

"It was a wasted journey."

"Why? Because you're fine?"

"No… Because you already know how I'm feeling."

He shook his head as if in confession. "I really didn't. I mean… I knew you were angry, but that's all. Even Cho picked up on it."

That got her attention. "You spoke to Cho?"

"More, he spoke to me."

She uncrossed an arm to scratch the back of her head, a trait he'd come to label as her uncomfortable tick.

"Well," she said, breaking the silence after a few moments, "you've checked up on me."

He understood he was not someone she wanted to see, but he knew that if they didn't sort things now, then he'd have to endure an entire day of her ignoring him tomorrow until they could catch some form of privacy.

"We need to sort things out," he broached, unsure how she'd take it.

"Not now."

"Then when?"

"When you've figured out how I'm supposed to react to your blackmail, 'cause I sure as hell haven't."

"It wasn't blackmail."

"Oh, I'm sorry. What is it that you call it?" she remarked sarcastically.

"You have the option to do whatever you want. I'm not forcing you to do either."

"You're making me choose between you, and a job that I've worked for my entire career!"

"Then you'll come to a decision."

"I _can't_, Jane. I can't!" She stuttered.

It did hurt him to know that she had difficulty figuring out which she loved more between a _job_ and him. "Can you at least try and see it from my angle?"

She scoffed at that. "I've done nothing but try and understand, especially the past week. I understand why you feel the way you do. I understand why it's resulted in this. But I can't understand why you haven't considered it from my perspective."

He paused and considered this. He wasn't one to admit it when he's wrong, but he had to confess to not seeing his acts from her point of view. He'd thought of how much her job meant to her, how it defined who she was. But he hadn't truly considered what she'd thought about his reaction to it all.

"You're right," he muttered, slightly vulnerable. "I haven't. I thought about your passion for your job... how it would affect you, but not how my actions had."

She sighed, seemingly with relief. He was glad too, they were finally getting somewhere.

"Your actions the past few weeks have driven me to the edge of insanity and back. I didn't know when you'd next try and lead me from danger; try and get me off a case or field work; or even if you were suddenly going to vanish. I didn't know," she said exasperated, finally getting it off her chest.

"You're trying to prove the point that neither of us knew if we'd have each other in the next hour."

She nodded and briskly swiped away a lone tear. He ached to wrap her in his arms and just huddle with her in the safety of her home forever, but he could only do part of that in reality. He gingerly walked toward her and pulled her into his embrace when she didn't back away. He rooted his head beneath some of the rich chocolate locks into the crook of her neck and squeezed her tight.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her warm skin.

She snaked her fingers into the wispy curls at the base of his neck and held him firmly against her.

"I'm tired," she told him, muffled by his shoulder. "We'll just sort this out tomorrow after some sleep."

He pulled away and stepped back slightly. "Did… you want me to leave?" he asked, knowing she might need space to think.

"You're here now," she sighed, winning a smirk from him. She was just too stubborn. "I'm going to go back to bed. You know where everything is."

"I'm coming too."

She bowed her head, then decided it was okay to smile. "I'm genuinely going to go to sleep, Jane," she informed.

"I never thought otherwise," he replied lightheartedly. He followed her down the small corridor, past the bathroom and into her bedroom. She clambered back under the disheveled covers as he went round the other side, slipped off his jacket and newly returned vest, and slid into bed next to her. She rolled over and poked his arm which he smiled at, then did as requested and tucked her into his side, cradling her as they often did. A few minutes silence went by when she whispered to him.

"Are you awake?"

"Mmmhmm."

"I've got a proposition for you."

"And what would that be?.." He asked, his slightly sleepy haze lifted.

"We'll go on vacation for a couple of weeks, as a sort of… trial period."

He lifted his head to look down at her and two sparkling pools gazed back. "Really?"

"Yeah… I'm not promising any permanent fixtures."

"I know."

"I'll ask Abbott tomorrow…"

"Do it Monday… Let the dust settle," he suggested, referring to the passing of their team member.

"So long as you're not going to protest about me working in the field between now and then."

"I'll try my best." He briefly pulled her in tighter and squeezed her upper arm. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"At the wake… what exactly happened?"

"I'm going to assume you're referring to us."

"Yes," he confirmed.

"We have to drag it all back up now?"

"No, but I'd like to know."

"Then remind me tomorrow."

"I'm not going to drop it that easily…"

"I went to pay my respects. You turned up. I left."

"There's more to it than that, we both know."

"I… I wanted to see if you'd show, despite what you said to me after the funeral. I wanted to know that you were still capable of carrying respect for an agent."

He wouldn't exactly say that was something he'd always had. But he couldn't deny that he did harbor some for his colleagues, present and past. Especially in hindsight with the fear he felt for Teresa. Rigsby and Grace both had suffered the same for each other, as does Abbott's wife and the families of the other agents. "Why would you think I didn't?"

"Because I felt like you only cared for your fears and your life. That all the effort I'd put in throughout school, training, experience, the time spent earning my career was all transparent to you. You only seemed to see the dangers of the job. Not the benefits for the public and ourselves, the sense of achievement, the justice, the fact that this job is the only thing that's stuck by me in my head since I lost my mother. It's not just danger that should be seen, yet I felt that was all you could see."

"You should know that I respect you and your career. And perhaps my vision is restrained to the danger aspect, but that is only because I can't afford to lose you, because I love you. I carry it for them all, but perhaps recently I have shown it less to you. I respected Vega, as did you all. She had to fit in, make an impression, do a difficult job in a difficult career. You shouldn't have judged whether I respected you on whether I turned up to an agent's wake. I see your point, I do. I'd just hoped you'd know I have bucket loads of respect for you."

"Just take into account that I was spitting fire when I was thinking this."

"I'm sure you were, you dragon. You'd have thought I'd have learnt not to make you angry by now."

"Some would argue that."

"You definitely like to make sure I know when you're angry with me," he chuckled. "If looks could kill I'd be dead a hundred times over."

"Just be thankful they can't then…" she muttered, clearly sleepy having exerted her remaining energy on talking.

"This is where I'm meant to start singing a rock lullaby."

She managed a final giggle before closing her eyes. He could tell when she had fallen asleep because her thumb's slowing pace as it rubbed soothing circles on his hand suddenly fell still.


End file.
